


What Are You Afraid Of?

by Pegasus143



Series: Dear Karen [1]
Category: Life Is Strange 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coming Out, Depression, First Kiss, M/M, no heist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 19:45:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19235854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pegasus143/pseuds/Pegasus143
Summary: The five million times this question gets asked, and the one time Sean can answer "nothing".Oh, and Sean writes letters to Karen in his sketchbook.





	What Are You Afraid Of?

**Author's Note:**

> I made a playlist of songs I listened to while writing this fic [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3XQYuicM0COWqt9PaAs5VO)  
> Also, I may have accidentally (or intentionally) used a few jokes/references from the Fean (Finn/Sean; pronounced "fawn") discord server. Message sincerely-kleinman on tumblr if you're interested in joining us!  
> I might write more in this au after eps 4&5 are out. Depends how I feel about them and if they provide more fuel for this AU.

Karen,  
I’m only writing these because Lyla said it might help. She’s a better therapist than her own goddamn therapist.

* * *

“Alright, so who do you have a crush on?” Lyla asked, shutting the door to her room. “I know I saw you writing _something_ about a crush on that scrap of paper you were doodling on in class.”  
Sean tossed his backpack onto the carpet and plopped down on the bed, pretending not to hear her. _Should I tell the truth? She’ll know if I lie. We’re Best Freakin’ Fighters, after all._  
“Well?”  
“Ugh, I need a smoke,” he muttered, standing up again and taking a couple steps towards the door.  
“Sean,” Lyla said, grabbing onto his arm. “What are you afraid of? We’re Best Freakin’ Fighters Forever. And I mean that. Nothing can change forever.”  
_She’s right. You know she’s not going to treat you any differently because of this. But… it’s still scary. I’ve never told anyone this before._  
“Okay, you don’t need to freak. I’m not going to push for something you don’t want to tell me—“  
“Ellery,” he said tensely.  
Lyla raised an eyebrow. “You mean you like hot and sweaty boys after track meets? Ew, gross!”  
Sean laughed along with her, feeling every bit of tension drain out of his body. “Hey, track isn’t the only time I see him!”  
Lyla grinned. “I knew you weren’t paying attention in science.”  
“But, seriously, Lyla – keep this to yourself, okay? I’m—I’m not ready to tell anyone else yet.”  
“Of course. Your Best Freakin’ Fighter will _always_ keep your secrets – as long as you keep hers, of course.”  
“Oh yeah? And what secret’s that?”  
“I _may_ have realized that girls are hotter than guys. Guys are still hot, though.”  
“Best Bi Freakin’ Fighters Forever?”  
“Best Bi Freakin’ Fighters Forever.”

* * *

Sean paced around his room. He’d been distracted all day, since he’d texted his dad that he wanted to talk, just the two of them, tonight.  
“One more story? Please?” Sean heard Daniel’s muffled voice ask from his room.  
As his dad started reading Daniel’s third story for the night, Sean’s nervousness started to get the best of him.  
**Sean:** should I do this?  
**Lyla:** Nervous?  
**Sean:** Yeah  
**Lyla:** Hey, it’s going to be ok  
**Lyla:** Do you want me to call you?  
**Sean:** No I think he’s gonna be done reading to Daniel soon  
**Sean:** Hopefully  
**Lyla:** You’ve got this, ok? I’l l wait up for you to text me  
**Sean:** Thanks Lyla  
Two knocks against Sean’s door rang out. He gulped as he got off his bed to open it.  
“You said you wanted to talk, _mijo_?”  
“Y-yeah… can we do it not here where Daniel can hear?”  
“Of course.”  
The two of them walked to the living room and sat down on the couch. Sean bit his lip, trying to find words.  
“You’re biting your lip. What are you afraid of?”  
“Do I really only do that when I’m scared?”  
“Well, it’s either that or my eyes have been playing tricks on me all these years.” His dad waited patiently for Sean to talk about what he actually wanted to talk about.  
_I can do this…_ He felt tears well up in his eyes. _I can do this!_ He started sniffling, and felt a tear leave his eye.  
His dad engulfed him in a hug. “Shhh… you’re okay… I promise that, whatever it is you want to say, it will _not_ make me stop loving you. Unless you took some of the candy I’ve been saving for Halloween?”  
Sean laughed weakly. “No… I didn’t. Dad, I… I’m bi-bisexual. I like g-guys and girls.”  
“I’m proud of you, _mijo_. I’ll always be proud of you.”

* * *

Karen,  
I should’ve been able to have this conversation with both you and Dad.  
But you weren’t here.

* * *

Karen,  
FUCK YOU.

* * *

Karen,  
I’ve told Daniel more bedtime stories than you ever did.  
Because you always sang to him instead.  
G-d, I miss your voice.  
But I don’t miss you.

* * *

Karen,  
I hate that you weren’t there to protect us. That Daniel had to come and save me instead of you. That we even ended up HERE, washing mud off our faces IN A FUCKING GAS STATION and STEALING to survive.  
I never wanted this. Did you?

* * *

Karen,  
I guess I have one thing to thank you for: that Daniel and I aren’t allergic to dogs.

* * *

Karen,  
Even once I figured out I was bi, I didn’t think that I’d ever really do anything with guys besides thirst after them and maybe masturbate sometimes. I always assumed it would be a secret that only Dad and Lyla knew.  
Since meeting Brody, I started thinking. Out on the road, when you only know people for a short amount of time, you can do whatever you want.  
Of course, Daniel doesn’t know.

* * *

Karen,  
Daniel should’ve been seeing the coast for the first time on a family vacation with you, me, and Dad, not while running from the law.

* * *

Karen,  
I cared when Lyla told me that the meds didn’t work half the time. I listened when she came out to me and when we talked about crushes. I was there every time she called me because she was having a panic attack. This was the first time I had to hang up on her, ever. This was the first time I couldn’t be there for her. Brody was right: it’s not my fault. It’s yours.  
I’ve been a better Best Freakin’ Fighter than you were a mother. How does that make you feel?  
I miss Lyla. Daniel misses Noah. If you were here, we wouldn’t have had to abandon our best friends.

* * *

Karen,  
Telekinesis. Maybe that means something to you. Something cool and flashy that you see in a superhero movie, that you chase after, abandoning everything you’ve known just to get to it.  
To me, it means love and responsibility. But you don’t know what those words mean, do you.

* * *

Karen,  
Seeing all the memories of this family makes me sick. At least this guy’s kids wrote to him when they left.  
I feel less bad about Daniel and I leaving our mark on the place.

* * *

Karen,  
Daniel isn’t getting better. What if I lost him, too?  
Would you know? Would you even care?

* * *

Karen,  
Mushroom’s dead. Sure, she never listened to me, but at least she was there. That tiny puppy made Daniel feel safe and loved, and I guess I felt the same way. But that should’ve been your responsibility.  
Will we lose everyone we love? Were you the beginning of a fucking curse?

* * *

Karen,  
We had to go to your parents for help. There was no way I could let Daniel suffer more.  
I don’t know what we would have done if we didn’t have them. We barely had any food or money left, and we didn’t have any medicine.  
I hate having to thank you for things.

* * *

Karen,  
I know he wouldn’t agree with me, but I’m glad Daniel never met your parents until now. How do you explain to a kid that his mom just decided to run off and abandon him?  
At least he doesn’t have that memory.

* * *

Karen,  
I’m pretty sure Claire hates you, if the bible allows that. She keeps your bedroom locked and goes in there secretly early in the morning. She doesn’t know that Daniel is an early riser. Neither do you, but at least Claire has an excuse.

* * *

Karen,  
Claire’s so much stricter with Daniel than I’ve ever been. He actually has chores now, and workbook pages he has to complete before he can play.  
I don’t think I’ll ever go back to school. But Daniel… he still has a lot to learn. Plus, if he doesn’t go to school, then I’ll end up having to teach him sex ed. Not fun.

* * *

Karen,  
I saw a picture of you in Stephen’s office. He misses you. He’d give anything to see you again.  
I don’t know whether I’d rather have you back or know you were gone for good.

* * *

“Goodnight, Daniel,” Claire said, giving him a kiss on his forehead.  
“Goodnight, Grandma,” Daniel replied before heading upstairs to his and Sean’s room.  
“I think I’m going to go to bed, too,” Sean said.  
“Are you sure?” Claire asked. “It’s Saturday night, and you’re sixteen – you can stay up for another hour if you’d like.”  
It wasn’t that Sean didn’t want to stay up late. An extra hour without having to deal with Daniel? Last summer, he would’ve happily taken it and ran off with the gang. A month ago, he would’ve found a way to use that hour to get food, money, water, clothes, _something_. But now? He didn’t have to take care of their basic survival, but he also couldn’t just go hang out with his friends, or have any contact with them at all. The only source of internet in the house was closely watched. He’d tried to entertain himself by reading Claire’s novels, watching TV, or helping Stephen with his train set, but they were all just idle distractions. Really, every choice he’d made – running away with Daniel, pretending they were on a camping trip instead of on the run, deciding they should go to Puerto Lobos, acting as Daniel’s power coach even though he didn’t know a damn thing – they were all just ways to keep his mind off of what had actually happened. His dad was dead.  
“Well, I’m going to bed,” Stephen said, giving his wife a kiss.  
“Okay. Don’t forget to set an alarm to get up tomorrow,” Claire replied. “I’ll be up in a little bit.”  
“Goodnight, Stephen,” Sean said automatically.  
“Now, Sean, what are you going to do?” Claire asked expectantly.  
“I… don’t know.”  
“Can we talk about something?”  
“Um… sure?” _Please don’t let it be Daniel’s power._ He’d taken Stephen’s words from earlier that day very seriously – Claire did have beliefs, and Stephen probably knew best how she’d react if she found out. And that reaction wasn’t going to be good.  
“I’m… sorry about earlier. I should have thought before asking you if you were dating anyone – I’m sure you probably didn’t want to think about your life before – well, you know….”  
“Oh! Uh, it’s okay,” Sean said, internally breathing a sigh of relief. _Good, so she doesn’t know._  
“But if you’d like to talk, I’m always here to listen. I know there’s not many interesting things to do in this place – you even said as much when you were a kid – but sometimes you just need to stop focusing on things and come back to what really matters: the people you love.”  
“But that’s what I’ve _been_ doing! Everything I’ve done for Daniel – making sure he didn’t see Dad just there dead on the ground, bringing him here when he got sick – it’s all because I love him. He’s my brother.”  
“I know, but – life is more than just your brother. Eventually he’s going to grow up, and he won’t want to wander with you anymore. You need to find a place, find a girl, and settle down. You can’t just keep roaming around, hoping that you’ll find happiness. You have to make it for yourself – even when it feels impossible to do so.”  
“But what if it really is impossible? My dad is dead, Claire. He’s dead – and he isn’t coming back. What’s the point of me building anything for myself when it’s just going to get taken away from me again?”  
“Sean… you’re scared. What are you afraid of?”  
“Haven’t you been listening?! I’m scared that I’m going to get trapped inside a life I never wanted! I don’t _want_ to live in a small town like this one that I’ve chosen just because it’s convenient with the first girl I met because we happened to get along for one night! What if she just leaves, like Karen? You didn’t see your dad get ripped apart but putting on a brave face because your mom’s gone! Maybe I don’t even want to settle down with a girl – maybe it’ll be with a guy! Maybe it won’t be at all! Hypothetical people – they don’t even matter! What if my brother gets shot by a cop and the whole world says he deserves it, all because I couldn’t be there to take the bullet for him! Maybe I don’t want a life where everyone tiptoes around the fact that, yeah, my dad _is_ from Mexico and I don’t try to hide it! You can say I’m crazy for thinking that we can get to Puerto Lobos, but at least _I_ don’t pretend I’m living in a dream world where if a problem can’t be fixed, you just cut it off and pretend it never existed?! At least I don’t deny that Karen’s gone. At least I don’t try to fix a broken vase with superglue and pretend it’s the same as it was before!”  
“Sean, that’s enough,” Claire said sternly. “I think it’s time for you to go to bed. You can think about what you’ve done, and apologize after church tomorrow.”  
Sean stomped up the stairs, but stopped stomping once he reached the top.  
He didn’t want to wake Daniel.

* * *

Karen,  
Claire’s pissed at me. Maybe I said some things that I shouldn’t, but at least I don’t pretend like she did.  
I don’t remember her ever yelling like that when I was a kid, even when she was talking with Dad or I broke that vase. I bet you made her this way.

* * *

Karen,  
Maybe this is all a bigger deal than I thought. I mean, I even kind of told Claire that I was bi.  
Does accepting it mean that I have to tell the whole world? Is that something I’ll want one day?  
Will I even be able to make it that long?

* * *

Karen,  
If my superhero name is “The Silver Runner”, then yours is “The Gold Runner”.  
Maybe you’re the reason why my room at home was littered with silver trophies and metals instead of gold ones.  
I miss my room so much. I miss having my own space. I miss having my own friends. I miss having a steady set of rules that I didn’t have to keep questioning. I miss having a place I could go hide in when I didn’t want to see anyone. I cried in there so much after you left.  
Here, have a little bee sketch. Then maybe you’ll buzz off out of my brain.

* * *

Karen,  
I met a girl at the Christmas market. Her name was Cassidy. Chris’ dad thought that I liked her.  
How could I have a crush on someone who resembles my absent mother in all the best and worst ways?  
Guess my love life is just one more thing you've fucked up.

* * *

Karen,  
We snuck into your room. With Daniel pestering me about it all the time, I knew we would have to go in there eventually.  
I read a letter from “Emma”. At least you would’ve been able to tell her your new address so the two of you could keep writing every time you left a life behind. She sounded like she would’ve been your perfect match: hated home, wanted to run, probably a narcissist or something.  
Ulysses was still in there. Don’t know where else I expected him to be. Daniel definitely would’ve taken him with us if we’d had more time to pack before being on the run again.  
Daniel had to leave behind another friend. I don’t know how much more of this he can take.

* * *

“I miss Chris,” Daniel said as the train they were on crossed over a bridge.  
“I know, _enano_ ,” Sean replied.  
“I bet he’d like to play in that river down there when it’s summer… maybe he even knows how to ice skate. Or, when I get better at using my power, I could use it to make him feel like he’s ice skating if he doesn’t know how.”  
“That would be cool, wouldn’t it,” Sean replied, distracted. He was still trying to process everything that had happened last night and this morning.

* * *

Karen,  
I think the reason why Chris and Daniel became such fast friends was because they both felt the pain of not having their mom there.  
Does that make Daniel lucky because he got to have a friend for a day, or unlucky because we all had to go through so much for him to have that one day of happiness?

* * *

“Sean? Are you scared of me?”  
“What?” Sean was pulled out of his thoughts.  
“Back when we were in that motel room that Brody got us… you said that you didn’t tell me that Dad was dead because you were scared… were you scared that I was going to lose control of my powers and hurt you?”  
“No, that wasn’t why I was scared.”  
“Just tell me the truth, Sean. When I asked if I was a monster, you did that thing that adults do where they hesitate and then say ‘different’ instead of ‘bad’ or whatever they were gonna say.”  
Sean winced. “Okay, I… can see where you got that idea from. I was just trying to figure out how to refer to your powers without saying anything that the other people on the bus might overhear and get suspicious.”  
“So why were you scared? What are you afraid of?”  
“I was scared because… because it meant that I would have to face that Dad was really dead, that I wouldn’t just be able to pretend he was alive. I was scared of how we were going to be able to keep living without him. Like… there will be so many things that happen, and he’s not going to be here with us for any of them.”  
“Like how Grandma and Grandpa were there when Mom and Dad got married?”  
“Yeah, like that.”  
They sat in silence for a few minutes before Daniel yawned.  
“You’re tired already?” Sean teased. “It’s only, like, four o’clock.”  
“Well it’s not _my_ fault that I couldn’t get to bed last night.”  
Sean’s heart stopped. _What did he hear?_ “Then who’s fault was it?”  
Daniel shrugged. “I don’t know. Whoever made you start shouting.”  
_Fuck._ “Daniel… I’m sorry. You’ve probably figured it out already, but… Claire and I don’t get along that well. I hope I didn’t scare you.”  
“It was a little bit scary. I’ve never heard you shout like that before, like you were that angry.”  
“Yeah… she said some stuff that made me mad, but that doesn’t mean I should’ve shouted like that.”  
“Then why did you?”  
Sean thought for a moment. “Because I wasn’t thinking, I guess. I don’t know. Usually there’s not someone sitting here asking me about these things.” He ruffled Daniel’s hair teasingly.  
Daniel giggled. “Can I ask you something else?”  
“Of course, _enano_.”  
“When you said stuff about ‘settling down’ with someone, is that like liking someone?”  
“Kind of. Settling down means asking someone to, like, move in with you and stuff, and usually it’s with someone you like.”  
“Oh.” Daniel thought for a moment. “And you said you might want to settle down with a guy… does that mean you like guys?”  
“Yeah. I like guys and girls.”  
Daniel yawned again.  
“Alright, _enano_ , I think maybe you should take a nap. It’s not like we’re getting off any time soon.”  
Daniel frowned. “Can I sleep on your lap? This metal is really hard and cold.”  
“Yeah, alright. Just don’t roll around a bunch in your sleep.”

* * *

Karen,  
Daniel overheard my argument with Claire. I ended up coming out to him as bi. I don’t know if he understood or not. I wish I had someone here to help me with that.  
How do you explain the concepts of “home”, “family”, and “stability” to a kid when every one of those has been shattered?

* * *

Karen,  
We were lucky to find Cassidy and Finn and their friends before we got caught or hurt. Feels hard to believe we met up with them again. Claire would’ve said it was a sign that God is looking out for us.  
I don’t know what I believe.

* * *

Karen,  
If you ever thought working at a pot farm would be fun, you’re wrong. Every muscle in my body aches. Daniel was crying by the time we got done, and his hands were covered with cuts that I couldn’t do anything about. He shouldn’t be here, but we need the money, and having him at work with me is the only way for me to keep an eye on him during the day. I can’t have him turn into another “missing person” poster.

* * *

Karen,  
Daniel-the-early-riser + wilderness =/= a good combination  
Thankfully Finn volunteered to watch him. He actually gets up in the morning, unlike me. Daniel seems to like him. Honestly, Finn’s the sweetest guy I’ve ever met.  
In some ways, this place is horrible, but in others, it’s so much better than staying with Claire and Stephen.  
Is this how you felt when you left them?

* * *

“So wait, you came from a fucking _cult_?” Finn asked of Merrill’s newest employee, completely blazed.  
“I… I…” Jacob started, sounding unsure of himself. Sean felt slightly bad for him, having been the subject of this “initiation interrogation” not too long ago, but at least he’d already had an idea of what to tell them. After months of lying, the words slowly became the truth you were living.  
“Give ‘im a break,” Cassidy said, laughing as she swatted at Finn. “So, out of everywhere you could’ve gone, why’d you come here?”  
“Well, I…” Jacob huffed, clearly a little frustrated. “It was the right amount of distance, I guess. Far enough away to figure things out without anyone from there bothering me, but close enough that I…” He looked at Sean and Daniel. “That I felt like I wasn’t abandoning my sister.”  
Sean nodded. He didn’t feel like he had the right to take part in this questioning process, but he wouldn’t have needed to ask anything else to know that this guy would be fine with them.  
“I was waitin’ for you to say something like that,” Penny said, letting out a puff of smoke. “Had my bets on a lover, though, not a sister.”  
Jacob shifted uncomfortably.  
Hannah glanced between Penny, Cassidy, and Finn. “Welcome to the camp,” she said, apparently getting whatever approval she needed from them. “You can pitch your tent there.” She pointed towards a spot near the kitchen.  
“Th-Thank you,” Jacob said, sighing with relief.  
“Just pitch in a little with chores, talk to us once in a while, and you’ll be fine,” Hannah said with a smile that Sean hadn’t gotten when she’d said the same to him and Daniel.  
“To the newcomer,” Finn said, grabbing a can of beer and holding it out to Jacob.  
“Uh – n-no thanks,” Jacob said. “I, uh, don’t drink.”  
Finn shrugged and cracked open the can for himself instead.  
“We’ll make a bad boy out of you yet,” Cassidy said. “Just you wait.”  
Sean laughed along with the others. He felt so _free_. Next to him, Daniel yawned, though he tried to cover it up. “Getting tired, _enano_?”  
“No! I can stay up later!” Daniel protested.  
Sean laughed. “Alright, fine, but only because tonight’s special.”  
“He doesn’t seem very special to me,” Daniel said, eyeing Jacob suspiciously. “’Cept maybe the cult thing.”  
“That’s me,” Jacob replied, chuckling. “Just your average Joe.”  
Daniel tapped his chin in thought. “More like a Little Joe. You’re not even average compared to Big Joe.”  
“I… don’t think I want to know who Big Joe is.”  
Hannah laughed. “You’ll meet him tomorrow. _I’m_ going to get some sleep tonight, and no, Merrill and Big Joe won’t excuse you being late just because you got too high to think straight tonight.”  
“Pff, you know I was never thinkin’ straight,” Penny said, getting up from the log he was sitting on. “Goodnight!”  
“Night, Pennywise!” Finn chuckled a little to himself before realizing that Hannah hadn’t gone back to her tent yet and was staring at him pointedly. “Wait, was that supposed to be for me, too?”  
Cassidy giggled as Hannah dragged Finn off to his tent. “Well, I think I’m gonna hit the hay as well… have fun, boys.”  
“Are you ready for bed yet?” Sean asked Daniel.  
“Um… yeah. But I’m gonna go by myself!”  
“Okay,” Sean said, knowing that in a few minutes Daniel would be yelling for Sean because he was scared of a shadow or something. “Good night.”  
“So you’re… Sean, right?” Jacob asked once Daniel had scampered off.  
“Yeah. Daniel and I met up with the rest of the group a couple weeks ago while train-hopping, so you’re not the only new guy around.” Sean waited for Jacob to ask something about why it was just the two brothers out on the road, or what a nine-year-old was doing here, but the questions never came. Jacob seemed to be almost in a trance as he stared at the fire. “Hey, are you okay, Jacob?”  
“You can call me Jake. And, yeah, I’m fine. Something about this just… reminded me of a weird dream, that’s all.”  
_Glad to know that some people can still have dreams that aren’t nightmares._ “What was it about?”  
“I was sitting by a fire, across from someone I didn’t know.” Jake looked up to meet Sean’s eyes. “And then I asked, ‘What are you afraid of, that you won’t come sit on this side of the fire with me?’”  
“People… finding out things they shouldn’t know. Things that might… make things dangerous. For Daniel.” It was the closest he could come to the truth without giving away Daniel’s power.  
“When I woke up, I wondered if the person I’d been talking to was really just myself.”  
“Did that help you figure it out?”  
Jake shrugged. “Maybe. I’m… not sure if I’m ready to accept it, if I was.”  
Sean had a feeling that Jake was referring to a different battle, one that Sean was still fighting inside himself. One that he felt like he definitely wasn’t prepared to help someone else through. “Well, let me know when you figure things out… or if you need me to re-enact another dream with you.”  
“Thanks, Sean. I think… I think I’ve found the place I need to be, in order to figure things out.” Jake stood up. “I think your brother’s waiting for you, so… good night.”  
Sean turned around. Sure enough, Daniel was standing there, as if he’d come to get Sean because he was scared. “Come on, Daniel. I’m here. Let’s go to bed.”

* * *

Karen,  
A new guy came to the camp today. His name’s Jake, and he’s from a cult and has weirdly-prophetic dreams. Apparently I was in one of them. I couldn’t tell if the thing he was struggling with accepting was his little sister somehow having powers like Daniel (pretty unlikely) or something else.  
There’s a lot of weird things about this place, but he’s one of the weirdest.

* * *

Karen,  
I got to go to the lake today, just me and Finn. Daniel was engrossed in talking to Hannah, who hates me for some reason. I trust her enough to not let a kid get himself hurt or killed, but that’s about the extent of our relationship.  
Finn wanted to go swimming, so he just took off his shirt and dove in, pants and all. He’s so carefree. If all this hadn’t happened, I would still be like that, but now I have to look after Daniel.  
I don’t hate Daniel like he might think, but it’s hard sometimes. He’s grown up so much in the past few months, and I don’t know how to deal with that. I guess I know how Dad must’ve felt now, raising me as I grew up without anyone else there to support him.  
Do you feel bad about making us go through all that?

* * *

It was almost sunset by the time they got off work. The camp and forest always looked so… different at this time of day, and Sean was determined to capture it. He crawled into his tent and opened up the pocket of his backpack where he usually kept his sketchbook. Reaching in, his fingers brushed… nothing. _I could’ve sworn I put it in here after writing that letter last night._ He carefully checked the pocket again, but still, nothing was there. _Maybe I accidentally put it in a different pocket when I was fumbling around in the dark?_ He carefully went through the other pockets of his backpack, which only contained their usual contents. _Okay… maybe Daniel… took it out to tear out a blank page to practice drawing on?_ He carefully searched through their sleeping bags and other items scattered about the tent before turning to Daniel’s backpack. _I really don’t want to go through his stuff… but if he has it, then he clearly went through mine… besides, I kind of need it… it’s the only thing I have to bounce my thoughts against. It’s hours of practice. It’s everything._ He felt through the backpack. The sketchbook definitely wasn’t in there. _I should just go ask him. He’s the only one who would know where it is._  
He stepped out of the tent and briefly glanced around the camp. _He’s not in the kitchen or by the campfire… maybe he had to pee?_ He checked the toilets and shower. _Both empty. Better start asking around to figure out where he’s gone._  
Sean approached Jacob, who was sitting outside his tent and… praying? “Hey, Jake,” he said, hoping he wasn’t interrupting something.  
“Oh, hi, Sean,” Jacob replied, opening his eyes slowly. “Do you need something?”  
“Yeah… I was wondering if you’ve seen Daniel around?”  
Jacob shook his head. “Sorry, Sean. Last time I saw him was when we got off the truck.”  
“That’s okay. Thanks.”  
“No problem.” Jacob resumed whatever he’d been doing before Sean interrupted.  
Cassidy was sitting outside her tent, tuning her guitar. Sean walked over to her.  
“Hey, Sean,” she said, not looking up from her guitar. “You just gonna stand there like a creep, or are you actually gonna talk to me?”  
“Sorry, Cass,” Sean replied, stumbling over his words a little. “It’s just – have you seen Daniel?”  
Cassidy glanced around. “Maybe he went to the lake with Finn? I heard Pennywise say somethin’ ‘bout going to supervise them and make sure they didn’t go swimming.”  
Sean let out a sigh of relief. Maybe he’d actually find his sketchbook before it got dark out. “Thanks, Cass. I’ll go look there.” He turned to walk away when Cassidy spoke again.  
“Is something wrong, Sean? You look a little stressed out.”  
Sean shook his head. “It’s just – something really important to me went missing, that’s all.”  
Cassidy smiled a little. “You Diaz boys are always so mysterious – first Daniel with his ‘secret mission’ at the market, and now this. Just be careful, okay? Wouldn’t want to see either of you get hurt.”  
“Don’t worry about us, Cass. I can look out for Daniel.”  
Cassidy shrugged. “If you say so.”  
Sean nearly ran once he got to the path to the lake. It was getting dark enough that Daniel would probably want to head back to the camp soon in order to avoid whatever might be lingering in the woods. “Daniel?” he called, squinting at the shadows in the trees.  
“Boo!” Daniel shouted, jumping out from behind him. “Did I scare you?”  
“ _Very funny_ ,” Sean replied, annoyed. “What did you do with my sketchbook?”  
“What do you mean, what did I do with it?” Daniel asked.  
“You know what I mean. It wasn’t in the pocket of my backpack that I usually put it in.”  
Daniel squinted at Sean in confusion. “I ran back to the tent after getting off the truck because I wanted to draw a picture that maybe I could send to Chris, once we’re safe. After I tore out a page to draw the picture on, I set it down inside the tent to use as a hard surface to draw on. Then, while I was drawing, the dog came around, and I stopped to pet it. Then Finn came and asked if I wanted to play hide-and-seek in the woods.”  
“So _did_ you put it back?” Sean asked. “Before you went to play?”  
Daniel shook his head slowly. “I guess – I guess I didn’t. Sorry, Sean.”  
Sean sighed. _Great. Now I’m never going to find it._ “Do you… have any idea where it could’ve gone? I already searched the whole tent.”  
Daniel’s eyes widened. “Maybe the dog took it? And put it… well, I dunno. I haven’t been back at the camp since then.”  
“Alright. Well, thanks for telling me the truth, _enano_.” He turned around and started walking back to camp. _So Daniel, Finn, Cassidy, Penny, and Jacob have all been busy with other things since it went missing. Guess I’m going to talk to everyone today, even if it kills me._  
“Ingrid?” Sean asked, walking into the kitchen.  
“Hi, Sean,” she said, smiling.  
_I wish Daniel would have that good of an attitude while washing dishes._ “I, uh… I lost my sketchbook. It’s got a black cover, about this thick.” Sean demonstrated with his fingers.  
“I don’t think I’ve seen it.”  
“Seen what?” Hannah asked as she approached them.  
“My sketchbook.”  
Hannah laughed. “Last time I saw a book was this morning when Finn was reading one of his ‘classic novels’. Good luck finding it, though.”  
“Thanks. Looks like I’ll need it.”  
Ingrid finished the dishes and wiped her hands off on her pants. “I was just going to check on Anders. He’s been in our tent. He said it was too hot outside for him.”  
Sean laughed. “Gee, I wish I had that problem.”  
“If you keep growing your hair out, you might,” Ingrid teased. “Would you like to come with me? We can ask him about the sketchbook.”  
“Yeah, that would be great, thanks.”  
Ingrid opened the flap to her and Anders’ tent and said something in Swedish.  
Anders caught sight of Sean waiting behind her and grinned. “Sean! I have just discovered the _best_ new book of all time!”  
“Uh… really? What is it?” Sean asked.  
“It’s about a bee, who is afraid of… well, I don’t think it is finished yet. There are even pictures!”  
“Hmm… let me see,” Ingrid said. Anders eagerly passed her something. She gasped and turned quickly back to Sean. “I am _so_ sorry,” she said, holding up the sketchbook.  
_Well, fuck my life, then._ “Thanks, Ingrid,” he said, taking the book back from her. He rubbed his fingers over the book. Thankfully, it looked like the dog had picked it up in a way that prevented the pages from getting wet, then dropped it off safely inside Anders and Ingrid’s tent.  
“…seriously, how high are you that you _didn’t_ think ‘hm, maybe this is not a novel’?” Ingrid scolded Anders.  
As Sean thumbed through the pages, he noticed a sketch of a bee he’d done… on one of his letters to Karen. _Shit, how much did he read?! Uh… maybe he’ll forget?_  
“Hey, Sean!” Anders shouted much too loudly for the situation. “Tell me what happens at the end! I really want to know why no one knew the bee was a bee until he told them.”  
Sean laughed weakly. “Yeah, okay, I will.” He started walking back to his own tent. _Well, that’s one mystery solved. It’s too dark to draw the forest now, though. Unless I did some sort of silhouette thing… I’d better focus on making sure Penny and Finn bring Daniel back in one piece, for now._  
“Sean!” Ingrid called from behind him. He turned around. “I’m really sorry. I should have been paying more attention to Anders. I didn’t know he was going to be getting high.”  
“It’s alright. It… shouldn’t be your responsibility to look after him, anyways. He’s an adult, he can do that himself.”  
“Hm… maybe you are right, Sean. I’ll think about that.”  
“By the way, where do you think he got the whole ‘bee’ idea from? I’ve only sketched one of those in here, like, once.”  
Ingrid thought for a moment. “Oh! I know. In Swedish, the word ‘bee’ is spelled b-i, but said the same as in English.”  
_I… I didn’t really expect to be telling people about this today. I don’t even know her that well. Fuck, what do I do?!_  
“I should be heading back to my tent now,” Ingrid said. “Maybe one day you’ll come to Sweden… and we could go look at hot guys at the mall together.” She winked as she turned and walked away.  
Sean was speechless. _Wow… I didn’t expect her to react like that. It’s so different from when I was at school. No one here’s a complete asshole like the kids there were._

* * *

Karen,  
Daniel keeps causing problems at work. It seems like he listens less and less each day. Everyone else from the camp tries to give him a hand when they can, but even the eight of us can’t completely protect him from Merrill and Big Joe forever. If this were a school, he probably would’ve had at least a couple of suspensions by now.  
I’m not sure if Daniel will ever be able to go back to school. I’m not sure if he’ll even survive this place. It scares me.

* * *

Karen,  
Daniel’s dead-set on going to Arizona now, even though all we have is a P.O. box. What does he think we’re going to do, sleep at the post office until you maybe show up?  
I wish you’d either put your actual address or put nothing at all. Then the choice would be clear. Or, as clear as it could be.  
As much as I hate what you did, I’m not enough for Daniel. Every time we stay someplace for any length of time, he gets attached to someone, and then loses them.  
This time, it’s Finn. And I don’t think I want to lose him, either.

* * *

Karen,  
Daniel’s getting so much stronger with his power. I know I told him I wasn’t afraid of him or his power, but I don’t know if that’s still true.  
Would you be scared? What ARE you afraid of?

* * *

Karen,  
I decided to stay up with Finn, Cassidy, and Hannah instead of going to bed with Daniel. He was going to bed by himself sometimes when we were with Claire and Stephen, and we’ve been here awhile, so I figured he would probably be fine by himself. And he was, after having Finn walk him to the tent. “I’m not scared of the dark anymore” my ass.  
Turns out Finn is kind of the camp’s unofficial hairdresser of sorts. I never really thought about my appearance that much, even when we were still in Seattle. I had my favorite sweatshirt, but that was it. But this… I don’t know. It was different enough that I didn’t really know what to think at first. But I guess I like it.  
Then… an interesting conversation happened. Apparently people just kinda fuck whoever they want here, which brought me back to my first conversation with Brody, about how people should be able to do whatever they want as long as it’s not hurting anyone. I mean, Hannah walks around without her shirt on, and the only bad thing that came out of that was Jake getting traumatized. Seeing that look on his face on his first morning here was worth it, though.  
Anyways, Finn said something about no one telling him whose dick to suck. So, like a dumbass, I ask if he’s bi. Like I would want some random person asking me that… well, I guess that DID happen with Ingrid and Anders. Didn’t mean I LIKED it, though. He was cool about it, but then Cassidy turned the question on me. There was no way I could lie, so I said that, yeah, I found some boys cute. I did say that I “hadn’t really thought about it”, but more in a “I’ve never really thought about actually having a relationship with a guy” way rather than “I’ve never thought about whether or not I’m attracted to guys”. Don’t know how they took it, but that’s what I meant by it.  
Why am I telling you all this? It’s not like you’re actually reading these. I just… wish I had you or Dad to talk about this kind of stuff with. Would you have been cool about talking about things like this, like Dad was? There’s absolutely no way you would’ve been as strict as Lyla’s mom.  
I just want some advice, that’s all.

* * *

Payday. It was the one day of the week that mattered anymore, and the one thing that made working out in the greenhouse bearable. Sean walked down a couple rows to where Daniel was working. “Doing okay?” he asked.  
“Yeah.” Daniel pulled his hands away from the soil. “Still can’t believe you almost missed the truck this morning. You’re worse than Cassidy now!”  
“Hey, it was only one time!”  
Finn laughed as he walked past them, carrying some fertilizer bags. “Looks like it doesn’t matter that I missed yesterday’s family drama when you’re making some right here!”  
“You call _that_ drama?” Penny asked from the next row over. “It’s like you’ve never kicked back on the couch after work and turned on the damn TV!”  
The four of them laughed. _Never thought working for literal drug dealers would be this much fun. I wonder what Lyla would say if she were here…._  
A vibrating noise broke their laughter. “Shit, which pocket did I put that thing in?” Penny said to himself, patting his pants pockets frantically. “Oh, here it is.” He picked up an old phone off the edge of the planter in front of him.  
Finn gestured for Sean and Daniel to come outside with him. “Merrill and Big Joe will be pissed if they see, so we gotta keep lookout, okay?”  
“How are we going to do that when we’re supposed to be working?” Sean asked.  
Finn looked around, then pointed at Jacob. “ _There’s_ our excuse.”  
Jake approached them carrying several cans of beer and a bottle of water. “Uh, break time?” he said, setting the cans and bottle down on the ground.  
“Fuck yeah!” Daniel said, grabbing the water and gulping down about half the bottle.  
Jake gave an exasperated sigh. “Why is Daniel the only one who gets water?” he asked, opening a can of beer and taking a sip before wincing at the taste.  
“Hey, at least it has calories,” Sean replied, picking up a can of beer for himself. “Never thought I’d say I missed school lunch, but at least they fed us.”  
“You… _ate lunch_ at school?” Jake asked, confused.  
Finn laughed. “Really, Jacob? Even I know what a cafeteria is, and I learned shit in school!”  
“Cut the chatter, or next time there won’t be drinks!” Big Joe shouted. “Once you’re done with snack time, I want Sean and Penny in here trimming.”  
Sean nodded acknowledgement, hoping he wouldn’t ask where Penny was.  
“Now I gotta find Cassidy and Hannah…” Big Joe grumbled before lumbering off.  
Finn laughed as he sat down on the bottom rung of a ladder he’d been using earlier. “Love the empty threats. Merrill would never deprive us of sustenance, especially when we’ve got Daniel around.”  
Daniel pulled the water bottle out of his mouth, coughing.  
“Slow down a little, okay?” Sean said.  
Daniel shook his head. “Ew, I got dirt in the water. It’s disgusting now.”  
“Well, guess that means it’s time to get back to work for you, _enano_ ,” Sean replied, ruffling Daniel’s hair.  
“Hey!” Daniel struggled to get the hair back out of his face. “Fuck you, Sean!”  
Jake gave Sean a look, as if to say, “Aren’t you going to do something about this kid’s language?”  
“Maybe ol’ Finn should give you a haircut like your brother,” Finn joked, taking a swig of his beer.  
“I like my hair, I just don’t like when _Sean_ decides to play with it,” Daniel said.  
“Alright, I get the message. Sorry, Daniel,” Sean replied, finishing his beer and throwing the can aside.  
“Hey, did someone forget to say it was beer time?” Hannah said as she walked up to the group, Cassidy behind her.  
“More like ‘mud time’,” Daniel grumbled, watching the dirt and water mix in his water bottle.  
“Aww, you’re cute,” Cassidy said, ruffling Daniel’s hair.  
“I’M. NOT. CUTE!” Daniel shouted. Sean placed a hand on Daniel’s shoulder, worried that he was going to lash out with his power or something.  
“Did you forget to tell Pennywise, too?” Hannah asked Finn.  
Finn nodded toward the greenhouse, where Penny was staring at his phone dejectedly. “You know the drill.”  
Hannah sighed. “Guess I’ll be keeping an eye on him during the Swedes’ going-away party tonight, then.”  
“I could do it, Hans.”  
Hannah scoffed. “Like _you’re_ not going to get drunk.”  
“Hey! I wasn’t planning on it!”  
“ _That’s_ what they always say.”  
“Sorry… didn’t mean it like that….”  
“I’m gonna go check on him,” Hannah said, grabbing an extra beer from the pile before heading into the greenhouse.  
“And welcome to another episode of ‘Why We Try To Keep Our Humor Light’,” Finn said. “I’ll be your host, and on tonight’s episode…”  
Cassidy shoved Finn’s shoulder. “Not the time.” Finn looked at her like a kicked puppy. “Seriously, what are you afraid of, man? That we’ll find out that Finn isn’t actually a happy-go-lucky guy? Spoiler alert: we all know you’re as fucked-up as the rest of us, so you may as well quit pretending for two seconds.”  
Jake glanced between the two of them in fear, like he’d never seen a fight before.  
“Cut it out, guys,” Sean said, “Before we become lunch.”  
Jake’s joke from the previous morning seemed to shake him out of it. Daniel giggled. “No, we’ll just swim right out! Like that story Jacob was trying to tell me.”  
Cassidy huffed. “As long as you don’t become lunch for the wrong people,” she said before dropping her beer can and heading towards Merrill’s house. “You coming, Sean?”  
“Give ‘im a break!” Finn yelled.  
“He’s _been_ taking one!”  
Hannah and Penny emerged from the green house. “I step away for two seconds and _this_ is what happens,” Hannah said, annoyed.  
Penny laughed. “What did you expect?”  
“Honestly, I don’t know sometimes.” Hannah shook her head. “Well, off to trimming for me.” She waved as she went to join Cassidy.  
“We have to go trim, too,” Sean said to Penny.  
They walked in silence until they were out of earshot of the rest of the group. “What are you afraid of, Sean? You can say something, you know,” Penny said. “You don’t have to tiptoe around it.”  
“So… someone called, and you thought it might have been someone with information about Jinx?”  
Penny nodded. “Basically.”  
Sean shook his head. “Fuck. I know what it’s like to have someone disappear on you, but having a....” He realized he didn’t know if Penny and Jinx had actually been together.  
“Boyfriend? Partner?” Penny suggested. “We didn’t really use labels, but those would be the closest ones to what we had.”  
“So do you think you’ll ever…” _Move on? Assume he’s dead? Stop thinking about what might have happened if he hadn’t gone missing? Stop looking for him? Stop wondering what all you didn’t know, what you could’ve done differently?_  
Penny stopped just outside the door to the house. “I don’t have all the answers, but I can tell you’re talking about someone in particular. That’s something you’ll have to figure out for yourself.”  
Sean nodded, following Penny inside. _That’s the closest I’ve gotten to telling anyone about Karen since…._ He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d had to say that his mom had left, had disappeared from his life. It seemed like everyone had just always _known_ , until now.  
“Thanks, Penny,” he said as they sat down to start trimming.

* * *

“Well, that’s it, believe it or not,” Sean said as Daniel floated the pinecone back to the ground. “Told you it would sound crazy.” He looked between Cassidy, Finn, and Jacob, trying to gauge their reactions. He couldn’t believe he’d just broken one of his own rules – well, Daniel’s rules – but they’d all seen what had happened back at Merrill’s. There was no way any of them would call the cops, considering they were working at an illegal weed farm, and him and Daniel would be out of there in the morning, anyways.  
“I knew something was up with you guys,” Cassidy said. “Damn… I would be scared shitless.”  
“We’re careful. I’m always here in case anything happens.” _That’s why I have to stay with Daniel. That’s why we can’t go to Karen – we can’t risk anyone else knowing. She’s already betrayed us once, and look what happened. If she betrayed us again… we’d be dead, too._  
“Man,” Finn started. “So, Sean… maybe this shit is in your DNA, too. Do _you_ have a superpower?”  
“Nada, zero, nothing. Trust me, I tried.”  
“Really? When?” Daniel asked.  
“A few different times… why do you think I asked you how you did it?”  
Daniel shrugged, frowning a little. _Did I say the wrong thing?_  
“Do you… have any idea where it comes from?” Jake asked. “I mean, it can’t be random.”  
“Doesn’t matter anymore. He’s got it and I have to deal with it.”  
“Dude, I have to deal with it, too!” Daniel protested.  
Sean sighed. “I mean, ‘we’. But I’m the big bro here, so I have to make sure that you’re safe.”  
“Damn, you’re so unique, Daniel…” Cassidy said, eyes still wide in amazement. Daniel rolled his eyes at the empty praise.  
“It doesn’t matter where your powers come from, little man,” Finn said. “You’re still the best knife-thrower in these woods.”  
“Even though I was actually using my power?” Daniel asked.  
Finn nodded. “It doesn’t help you aim, does it?” he asked jokingly. Daniel shook his head, but his smirk gave him away. “Aw, come ‘ere. You know you’re still cool, even if you _didn’t_ come from a circus, right?” Daniel giggled as he hugged Finn. _I’m glad Finn seems happy about Daniel’s power, even though he’s got a black eye to show for it._  
“I need your word that you’ll keep all this to yourself,” Sean said. “Seriously. And if you think anyone else knows….”  
“Hannah’s probably got it figured out,” Cassidy said. “She tends to figure out whatever it is you’re hiding. But I promise that you can trust us.”  
“Thanks for telling me, Cassidy. I’ll go talk to her later, make sure she understands. Jake?”  
“This is a big deal, Sean,” Jacob said, with an expression similar to the one he wore that night by the fire. Actually… it was also the same one as when they were all sharing their worst memories. When it was obvious he’d glossed over the details, basically only saying things the rest of them had figured out. “How long can you keep this a secret?”  
“Jake, if you know something… even if it was just in a dream… I need to know. I know you’d do anything to protect your sister, and I need you to do the same thing for Daniel.”  
Jacob shook his head. “You don’t know me, Sean. I thought I’d do anything to protect Sarah – but I was wrong. She had to make a choice she shouldn’t have had to make, because of me. That’s why I ended up here.” His voice cracked, and he began to sniffle. Keeping his head down, he turned around and walked towards his tent.  
Sean moved to go after him, but Cassidy held him back. “Let him go, Sean. Whatever he thinks he knows, it’s probably fucking bullshit, anyways.”  
He sighed. “I know,” he said, trying to placate Cassidy even though he thought differently. He turned to Finn. “Finn, do you swear not to tell anyone? I mean it.”  
“No worries, sweetheart. I’d never let anything happen to that little guy. He’s a true rebel.”  
“Thanks, man. For real.”  
“Well, I don’t know about the rest of you, but _I’m_ going to go have some fun at this party,” Cassidy said. “So should you, Sean. Plus, since it’s your last night, it’s time for your tattoo.” She turned and headed back to the camp.  
“What? Are you getting a tattoo?” Daniel asked.  
“No, Cass is just joking,” Sean said.  
Finn laughed from where he was leaning against a tree. “Nah, she’s not joking – she actually does have tattoo supplies. Her art skills aren’t half as good as yours, though, Sean.”  
“Wait, when did you see my art? I don’t show that to anyone!”  
“You’ve shown it to me,” Daniel interrupted.  
“Don’t think I didn’t notice you drawing at the campfire last night,” Finn explained. “Now I see why you didn’t take a hit.”  
“So wait, you’re just going to turn down a tattoo?” Daniel asked. “Dude, I totally would’ve gotten one if she’d asked _me_.”  
“You don’t even like Cassidy,” Sean said.  
Daniel was about to retort back when Hannah appeared. “Hey, have you seen – oh, there you are, Finn.”  
“Before you ask, Hans, the answer to your question is no, I haven’t yet, alright?” Finn glanced around, as if looking for a distraction. “Hey, Daniel, it sounds like someone finally got the radio working. Do you like dancing?”  
Daniel shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe.”  
“Well, let’s go find out, little man!” Finn took Daniel’s hand and skipped a little as the headed to the camp.  
Hannah sighed. “Well, there he goes again.”  
“Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?” Sean asked.  
“Yeah, what’s up?”  
“I know Daniel trusts you a lot… have you ever, um, noticed anything about him? Has he ever told you any stories that didn’t quite make sense?”  
“Well, I’ve noticed that he’s a bright kid, and a good listener. He… kind of reminds me of myself, when I was a kid.”  
Sean laughed. “Yeah, _Daniel the good listener_ … wish he’d listen to me a bit more. But I think he’s learning, after… what happened with one of his friends. When we were at our grandparents’.”  
Hannah nodded. “He started telling me about it. Said he was friends with their neighbor’s son, Chris. Then there was… something about police, or a police car, or something, and somehow it was his fault. At first I thought he was going to tell me that he hadn’t told Chris that the two of you were on the run, or something like that, until he suddenly changed the story, and it was a game they’d been playing. Just like I did, whenever anyone questioned me about my mom as a kid.”  
“Yeah. Cass said you probably had it figured out, and it sounds like she was right.”  
“So… this has something to do with that bruise Big Joe left on Finn?”  
“Daniel kinda broke into Merrill’s place… while we got paid.” Hannah raised an eyebrow, waiting for more. “Merrill took away our pay for the week, fired me and Daniel, and then told Big Joe to ‘teach him a lesson’. Daniel got scared, and used his telekinesis to hit Big Joe in the head with an ashtray. When he turned around and asked which one of us had thrown it, I froze. Finn took the blame.”  
“Kid’s got guts, standing up to Big Joe like that. But… I’m glad he can defend himself. That’s always a good thing, when you’re on the road.”  
“Yeah. He’s saved our asses so many times… as long as he can learn to use it responsibly, and who he can and can’t trust, I know he’ll be fine. Even if something happened.”  
“Don’t worry. You can trust me. We’ve all got something we have to hide, if we want to stay safe. I’m guessing Daniel’s told you about some of the things we’ve talked about?”  
“He said that you’re Navajo, and that he thinks you’re pretty cool.”  
“Glad he has a high opinion of me. But I’m pretty sure you’re leaving something out.”  
“He also said that you’re transgender,” Sean said, tripping a little over the word.  
Hannah raised an eyebrow. “Okay, you’ve proved you’re a pretty decent person, so what are you afraid of?”  
Sean sighed. “Back in Seattle, I was lucky. I had a pretty great group of friends. But a lot of the other people at school were assholes. Including our shithead neighbor… sorry, I don’t really want to talk about him right now.”  
“That’s okay. Daniel saw a pair of jeans of mine and asked about the trans flag patch that’s on them. After I explained, he asked me if that was the same thing as ‘liking guys and girls’, so I tried to explain the difference between gender and sexuality.”  
_I never swore Daniel to secrecy about that, did I?_ “Thanks. I try to teach Daniel stuff when I can, even if it’s not what he would be learning in school, but being a teacher is definitely a lot harder than it looks.”  
“Kids understand a lot more than we give them credit for. And Daniel’s definitely the type of kid who asks questions when he’s curious.”  
The two turned toward the camp, watching as Finn attempted to teach Daniel how to dance, while being horrible at it himself.  
“Hannah… what did you come down here to ask Finn about?”  
“You should go ask him yourself. Pull him aside, say you want to have a beer together or something. Just make sure he doesn’t have an excuse to run away from you.”  
Sean nodded. “Could you… keep an eye on Daniel? You and Jacob are the only ones here who probably won’t be getting completely shitfaced tonight, and Jake ran off earlier… I said something that I shouldn’t have.”  
“Yeah, I’ll keep an eye on Daniel, maybe check up on Jake later. Have fun with Finn.”

* * *

“Hey, Finn,” Sean said after Hannah had successfully pulled Daniel away. “Do you wanna… um… go have a beer… just the two of us?”  
“Sure,” Finn said, grabbing a couple cans and leading Sean over to a log. He sat down. “Have a seat… have a beer.” Sean sat down next to him and took the other beer can. “To our last night together, and to your next adventure.”  
Sean opened his beer can and clinked it against Finn’s before taking a sip. _I guess this is it. Part of me can’t believe this is our last night. Part of me just wants to think that we’re having a random party on a Friday night because we want to and we can, not because me and Daniel are leaving. Even if it was just Ingrid and Anders who were going, it would still feel weird without them here. But we’re all leaving tomorrow, I guess._  
“So, what are you gonna do next?” Finn asked.  
“I’ll… figure out what I’m gonna do. Me and Daniel are homeless again.”  
“When I got out of jail, I had nobody but me. My brothers were still in the joint. They still are. I stayed with a friend. Nobody could find me… then I just said ‘fuck it’ and took off. That was it, man. No more family. Just me, always tryin’ to find a new daddy, or new bros… yeah, stupid. I knew I had to cut _everything_ off, start over all for myself.”  
_I can’t just cut everything off… I can’t do that to Daniel… if he’s never able to find Karen, I’ll be all he has left. No way Claire and Stephen will take him back. No way he’d like it there, after everything. But… he also needs people besides me. I can’t be his brother, his parent, his teacher, and his best friend all at once. I can’t be his everything._  
“That’s what you’re doing. You’re starting all over. And now, you just gotta take the next step to build a… somethin’ for you and Daniel. Right?”  
“I’m… not sure what I want. Daniel wants to go find his mom, but I basically disowned her so long ago… I’m not even angry anymore at the fact that she left us. If we had her real address, I might consider it – maybe she could hide us, maybe she could get the police off our backs – but all we’ve got is a P.O. box. We can’t risk going to another town. We’d just be giving ourselves away at that point. Our pictures – even just a few days after the incident, they were everywhere. I can’t keep putting Daniel into danger.”  
Finn finished his beer and threw the can away. “What about Puerto Lobos? You have enough cash for the trip?”  
Sean shook his head. “No. I’m sure there’s somewhere else that would hire me, but you know how dangerous things can get. And what about Daniel? I’m pretty sure Merrill only let him on because he has a kid.” He felt tears welling up.  
“Hey, it’s all bullshit, I know, but you’ll figure something out,” Finn said, pressing a hand to Sean’s back. “I’d say ‘let’s go steal from Merrill’s safe’, but… I don’t think you or anyone else would forgive me if something happened. Listen, Sean…” Finn took the beer can out of Sean’s hand and threw it behind them. “If you had met me a year ago, I would’ve told you I didn’t need a family. Turns out I was wrong – I just needed the _right_ family. And I’ve found that family – right here.” He gestured at the group gathered near the fire. “That includes you and Daniel. Even though you two aren’t workin’ for Merrill anymore, I bet I could convince everyone else to let the two of you stay. We’d figure out a way to make things work for the rest of the time we’re here.”  
“That would be nice. Even though Daniel’s been impatient to leave this whole time, he definitely likes it here… I don’t want to rip his friends away from him again.” Sean frowned. “But I also don’t want to put everyone here in danger.”  
Finn chuckled. “Trust me, honey—“ Sean suddenly became all-too-aware of the hand on his back with Finn’s flirtation. “--if we somehow got caught, we’d have way more things to deal with than just harboring a couple of wolf brothers.”  
“Are you positive we can convince them to let us stay?”  
Finn nodded. “Absolutely. Everyone loves you, Sean.”  
“I should ask Daniel if he’d be okay with it… he’s been saying a lot of things lately about how he doesn’t get to choose….” Sean didn’t move to get up, though. He’d feel almost weightless without Finn’s hand on him, like he would be able to just float away if he didn’t have someone anchoring him.  
“I’m really glad we met, Sean. I feel like we have a… _strong_ connection. But, that’s me, always getting obsessed over people I meet.” He tapped Sean’s chest with his finger.  
Sean glanced down at that finger, then back up at Finn’s eyes as he removed it. Everything else around them faded out. It was just the connection between them. It wasn’t made of happiness, sadness, anger, fear, warmth, coldness, bitterness, or any other reactionary emotion. It wasn’t made of the syrupy nothingness that filled Sean’s mind most days as he simply acted as a puppet, tending to Daniel or his job or whatever else needed to happen. It was made of hope – an emotion that he realized he’d been trying to make for himself all this time, but that he couldn’t build alone. It had taken him months to find someone who was trying to build that same hope, but here he was.  
“I think I feel the same.”  
Finn rested his other hand on Sean’s knee. “What are you afraid of, then?”  
“Nothing.”  
He closed his eyes and leaned in, knowing, somehow, that Finn was doing the same, knowing exactly when their lips would meet. It felt like both an eternity and no time at all had passed before their lips parted. A quick breath, then back in again – the nothingness would not overtake his mind tonight. Barely thinking, he placed a hand on Finn’s thigh. Finn held him tighter, closer, as their lips chased each other.  
As he felt Finn start to pull away, Sean leaned in more to the hand that was now wrapped around his shoulders, pressed his hand further into Finn’s thigh. All the nothingness surrounding their connection of hope was now tainted with happiness. And when that happiness disappeared, seemingly out of existence forever? Hope would still be there.  
_Lyla would go completely nuts if she knew what I just did._


End file.
